There’s a moment in every family where it’s time to have “The Talk” about downsizing with older relatives. Often, children have “the talk” with their parents, but they could be dealing with aunts, uncles, cousins, or a family friend who needs to downsize. It can be an emotionally charged topic for everyone involved. Here is some advice to make the talk about downsizing a little easier.
Prepare Yourself
It would be best if you prepared yourself. You should be in a good place emotionally before you broach the subject. Make sure you are well-rested and not stressed out with work or your own life on the day you decide to have “the talk.” As the person suggesting the downsizing, you need to be cool, calm, and rational, yet empathetic and compassionate.
Build a Team
If you have siblings or cousins that you can count on to help, talk to them first and make sure you agree that downsizing needs to occur. Perhaps your loved ones have already mentioned something to one of them. If so, maybe that person could raise the issue again. Sometimes people are more receptive if a specific person in the family presents the talk about downsizing. It may not seem fair, but it can often be the case.
Sometimes a sibling or cousin will be against the downsizing process – and be very vocal about it. Keep calm and remind the person that you are trying to act in the best interest of the loved ones. If you need to, seek advice from a family therapist or counsellor.
Avoid the Holidays
Often holidays are the only time when the entire family is in one place, and it may be the only time you and your team can talk about downsizing to your loved ones. But do not ambush your family members during a holiday!
If you feel it is a good idea, bring up the subject before your family gets together. Mention that you will be asking about their thoughts and feelings on downsizing over the holidays. But don’t raise the issue as soon as you walk in the door. Enjoy some time together then, during a quiet moment, ask for their opinions.
Please don’t leave it until you’re walking out the door, either! Make sure everyone has enough time to express themselves before they leave, and everyone has the information they need to move forward positively.
Communicate with Compassion
When you have “the talk” about downsizing, you don’t know how people will react. They may become furious and yell or cry and complain. On the other hand, your loved ones may be relieved that you brought up the topic because they were worried that you wanted them to remain in your childhood home and be “the keeper of the possessions.”
When speaking with your loved ones, emphasize your concern for their well-being. Explain how a more manageable home will be less work and less worry for them. Mention the costs of extensive home repairs or that you might not be available to help if a severe health issue occurred.
But remember, the essential aspect of communication is listening! If they are reluctant to downsize, ask a lot of questions. Often hostility and stubbornness hide fear and worry. It will help to ask what their specific concerns or worries are.
For older generations, homeownership was (and in some cases still is) a sign of success. Likely they have paid the mortgage, and they now own their home. No one wants to willingly give up something they have worked so hard for. Homeownership can be a symbol of social status and freedom. Downsizing means losing that status and that freedom. Also, a home is the biggest (and sometimes the only) investment many people make. They may be worried if they sell their home, they will not be able to afford more comprehensive care later in life.
Plan With Your Head and Your Heart
Once you’ve had “the talk” about downsizing, create a plan that everyone is happy with. As long as your loved ones can make decisions, let them maintain control of the project. It is, after all, their home and their possessions. You and your team should be the cheerleaders and supporters.
Buying their home was probably a monumental decision for older adults, and selling their home will be too. Moving is not the only answer. Downsizing-in-place is an excellent option for many older adults. An occupational therapist can advise on universal design to adapt their current home to facilitate independent living.
Your plan might also include help from a financial expert to address concerns about managing funds for long-term care. A legal expert can ensure that powers of attorney, wills, and other documents are up to date.
Talk to the Experts at Out of Chaos
Often the first step in the downsizing plan is to declutter. Look no further than Out of Chaos. With decades of experience dealing with sensitive situations, we have the skills and tact required to make you and your loved ones feel as comfortable as possible during this transition.
Our non-judgmental, patient attitude ensures that our clients feel heard and understood during each step of the process. Clients can take advantage of our extensive network and resources, from selling items through consignment and online auctions to donations and environmentally-conscious disposal. We will even help our clients organize a downsizing party.
To learn more, send us a secure message through our website.
