At some point in our lives, we all experience grief. This intense emotional state typically involves sadness and crying. In the movies, we often see people eating ice cream straight from the carton or numbing their emotions with a more potent substance. However, today’s fast-paced world still has high expectations for organizing during grief. Here are a few tips to help you through this difficult time.

What is Grief?

Grief is an intense sorrow, usually caused by the death of a loved one. However, other events can cause grief, including:

• Losing anyone with whom you have a close bond – including pets – through death, divorce, or estrangement.
• Physical, mental, emotional, or behavioural changes of a close family member or friend (e.g., sibling with a chronic illness, parent struggling with dementia, friend dealing with substance misuse, etc.).
• Moving away from a long-time home, even if the change is due to a happy event like starting college, getting a new job, or moving in with a life partner.
• A military tour of duty, even if the deployment is not to a hostile area. (The military members and their families experience grief).
• Realizing that you may never achieve a specified goal (e.g., not getting an anticipated job or promotion, being rejected by a particular school, or not making the cut for a sports team).
• Losing sentimental possessions such as selling your first car or misplacing/losing your wedding ring.

What Grieving May Look Like

When people experience grief, physiological changes occur in their bodies and brains. This stress response may cause them to think, feel, and act differently from their typical behaviour. Although everyone feels grief differently, common signs include fatigue, irritability, and lethargy, as well as difficulties with focus, decision-making, and problem-solving.

Conversely, some people act “super-charged” when grieving. They seem purposeful and almost cheerful. They have high energy levels and try to accomplish an extraordinary amount of work in a short period. In fact, they may be masking their emotions. Even though they seem capable of organizing during grief, they may not be able to focus on one task at a time or make the best long-term decisions.

People of all ages experience grief but express it differently. For example, children may regress in their behaviour because they do not have the life experience to process intense emotions. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings even if we adults don’t think the situation should cause grief. Additionally, people living with dementia or other memory issues may experience repeated periods of grief when they remember that a loved one is deceased.

Tips for Organizing During Grief

Here are some tips for organizing or downsizing during a bereavement.

• Get help dealing with grief. If you struggle to manage day-to-day tasks, get help before doing anything else. Talk to a doctor, mental health professional, family member, friend, or faith leader. Inquire about support at your workplace or look for support groups in your local community.
• Give yourself some grace. Now that you know grief can affect your energy levels and decision-making ability, you can adjust your expectations. You will not be your “best self” during this time, but that’s okay. Do what you can, when you can.
• Lean on your support network. Often, family and friends want to help. Let them read this article so they understand the effect of grief and can adjust their expectations. Also, you and your friend(s) should read my advice on what to do when a friend wants to help you organize.
• Prioritize. You don’t have to do everything, everywhere, all at once – even if it feels that way. I wrote several articles to help you prioritize, but the important thing is starting. Choose one thing, even if it seems small, and work on it until you’re done. You will see progress and build your confidence.
• Reduce decision-making. Evaluating individual items can be too challenging when you’re organizing during grief. Ideally, simplify and minimize the number of decisions you need to make. For example, you could make an overarching decision to keep only reference material published in the last three years and let go of anything older (unless you were a contributing author/researcher).
• Work in short bursts. As I mentioned, some people struggle to maintain focus while grieving. However, you can accomplish quite a bit by working in 15-minute intervals. For instance, if your energy level is higher in the morning, declutter for 15 minutes right after breakfast. You can congratulate yourself on doing a great job and won’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day. Alternatively, consider organizing something during the commercial breaks or between episodes of your favourite television show.
• Cherish the memories. It’s tempting to keep every reminder and trinket. Instead, establish a memory box and keep only things with significant meaning. Take photos of the other items. Honour them, then let them go.

When Deadlines are Looming

Everyone must grieve in their own way and in their own time. Unfortunately, some situations require rapid decision-making. In this type of situation, the Out of Chaos team can help. For example, people often contact us because their parents passed away. They need to sell the family home, but organizing during grief is too challenging. Our team has many years of experience dealing with sensitive situations. We have the skills and patience to make you feel as comfortable as possible during this difficult time. Reach out for a consultation.